I begin the year with a bit of blubbing as I face the long January following Christmas excesses. How, I think to myself, have I let that happen? - when I know with a bit of better planning, I should be able to cope with and swallow those excesses. A colleague said to me you can only plan for what comes next, but not worry about it. In the meantime, don't martyr yourself (in the context of I am not the only one to indulge in Christmas excesses!). Again, a real-life situation that suddenly transmuted into a work place scenario. There are bosses who worry about how their employee will re-act; they martyr themselves, thinking what am I doing wrong? The employee is unhappy and not performing/ behaving badly, and that's my fault. I am a bad manager. So - allow yourself the 5 minutes of worry and self-blame, then get a grip. Everyone is responsible for his/her own actions. An employee misbehaving or underperforming is doing that all by themselves - fact. Now they may need support - in a manager communicating expectations of standards - of performance or behaviour, and you might need to to do it in a formal process. The only fault a manager can own is in not communicating , and then not thinking, is there a different way to communicate this, because my first attempt didn't work. That's as far as it goes- ownership of responses by the employee and their subsequent behaviours is down to that individual. So to both employers and employees, own your actions and re-actions - don't martyr yourself thinking it's all my fault. It takes 2 to tango.
Oh- and the resilience bit- that's to do with age and experience. There are levels of resilience I think that grows with age and experience, but sometimes, you do need a time out as resilience levels just hit an all-time low. So - give yourself a time-out- don't martyr yourself thinking you've got to be always coping. Have a blub!